Thursday, October 08, 2009

A Sleeping Porch

*Thousands of lakes, large and small, are sprinkled across Michigan. They are pockets of summer splashes and sunsets for millions of people trying to get away from their lives, who buy and maintain a dizzying array of 'cottages' on the endless shores.
*Long before zoning laws and Home Depot, citizens built sparse and practical vacation homes, often one room at a time, to house their families on precious get aways. Such monuments to simplicity, can still be seen between the multi-million dollar behemoths that dwarf them, erected by far away executives, with more money than time or skill.
*In the simple world, space is money, and so cottage space always does double duty. A kitchen table is a jigsaw puzzle base, or a fish cleaning station. Everyone uses the same bathroom, as quickly as possible. Always change out of your wet swim trunks in the utility room.
*Then there is the Sleeping Porch. By day, it is a sheltered place to watch the kids swim, or peel a bushel of peaches, and usually houses the oldest, most expendable couch. Often screened, always facing the water, the porch turns into a magical place when the sun goes down. While weary bodies claim all the inside beds and futons for the night, you smile when Mom assigns your place to the Sleeping Porch. You grab a sleeping bag and pillow, spread them out on the old couch, and settle into a different world.
*Summer nights in Michigan smell humid, when the air is heavy and full of the shore. You often hear what you smell: frogs and crickets, fluttering poplars and oaks, waves and foam. Under the nightlight of the waning moon, the lake and woods grow eerie, as you pull the protection of the sleeping bag up and over your shoulders. The dampness grows cooler and cooler, and settles on your face. If you're lucky, a thunderstorm rolls in with cleansing rain and distant flashes.
*This is a time for pondering, thinking, and watching your life float before you. In your loneliness amidst the great outdoors, you feel small, but blessed. Maybe it's the impossibility of distant stars, or the joy of a floating butterfly, but you feel grateful to be a witness of God's best. There is a rest, a peace, that surrounds you, and your Life, no matter how difficult it might be, seems beautiful.
*Somewhere between dusk and dawn, you drift off, oblivious to mosquitoes that buzz your dreams. And when you rouse yourself in the morning, feeling itchy, damp and tangled, you have second thoughts about the Sleeping Porch. But fortunately, there are pancakes and sausage in the air, and you stumble to the kitchen, hungry, wondering if this will be the morning Mom will let you drink coffee.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

American Culinary

What is 'Great American Food?' Let's dispense with all the cultural arguments and get down to brass tacks: what makes a particular food American, is that:
1) This is the only place you can get it, and get it well, and
2) Its good enough to make you want to travel here to get it.
Forget that the tomato originated here, or that the chinese invented pasta. Orgins don't interest me; present deliciousness is all that matters. And while there are many regional, original dishes in every corner of this great country (like cheese curds in Wisconsin), I've stuck with the ones that we all know well. If I ever left this country for any length of time, these are the American dishes I would dream about until my feet hit home shore.

-THE HAMBURGER: I'm sure other cuisines have ground meat, but a decent cheeseburger is an American institution. It is no mistake that our land is covered with fast food burgers, it is hard to find a menu without a burger on it.

-PIZZA: Sure, you can get a 'pizza' in Italy, buy why would you want a pizza with no mozzarella, pepperoni, or other toppings? The Italians may have started it, but the Americans made pizza into a culinary blockbuster.

-CREAM CHEESE: There are many soft, young cheeses in the world, but none are as smooth as our cream cheese. Try making a NY cheesecake without it.

-THE CINNAMON ROLL: Soft, warm, full of cinnamon and brown sugar, and hopefully slathered with cream cheese icing (see previous entry). If you can get some butter on there somewhere, you won't need lunch.

-MAPLE SYRUP: Thank you Native Americans, for figuring out how to boil 40 gallons of sap, down to 1 gallon of one of the best flavors from Mother Nature. There must be maple trees elsewhere, but it is our tradition. Canada figures in there somewhere, but we are so endeared with the stuff that we have dozens of knockoffs and artificial syrups to fill the gap.

-CHILI: Okay, it started in Mexico, but like pizza, we've gone to the stratosphere with it. If you want to talk passion, forget your french chefs. Our chili-heads are plain insane.

-SOUTHERN FRIED CHICKEN: Everyone does chicken, but our sisters down south batter and fry the bird to bring tears to your eyes.

-BLUEBERRY PANCAKES: You can find OUR blueberries in many dishes worldwide, but if you want them in big fluffy pancakes, you have to come here. Don't forget the butter and blueberry syrup.

-BBQ: This might be the biggest culinary trend in the USA, with regional specialties and enough opinions to cause fist fights. But when its smoked low and slow, seasoned and slathered, the lowly brisket or babyback ribs alert you that you're not in Europe.

-CORN ON THE COB: We grow it for the world, and if you've got it fresh, you boil it, drip it with butter and salt, and make a slob of yourself. No problem.

-NY CHEESECAKE: Not a cake, not a pie, but by far the best use of Philly cream cheese on the planet.

WHAT WOULD YOU ADD TO THE LIST?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Most Dangerous Place

As I was taking a shower the other day, it occurred to me that OSHA should shut down every shower in America. It is an accident waiting to happen, and it maims people every day! Think about it:
*Mix water (or 'soft' water, that is usually very slippery on its own) with soap.
*Stand barefoot and naked, with no padding, on a surface that is non-porous and smooth.
*Step around on a bath/shower that is tilted, so that gravity is working against you.
*You often close your eyes, so that you lose your bearing.
*You must step up and over to enter and exit the death trap, which takes you off balance.
*If you go down, there is nothing but hard surfaces to catch you, and chrome stick-out things to gouge you in places you don't want to think about.
*Don't count on a towel bar helping you, since they aren't designed to catch 200-lb. 'towels' flying through the air.
*And with the door closed and the shower going, your cries for help will be in vain.
Needless to say, I'm holding out for a bath mat and a rug.

Friday, April 24, 2009

The Tainting of Susan Boyle

If you are saying 'who is Susan Boyle?', please stop reading, and do a Google search on her. Then come back.
*You're back! Well, first of all, if you do a little more internet digging, you'll find that truly, Susan has been trying to break into show business for a long time. On youtube, you can catch her on a charity CD from 1999, singing 'Cry Me A River,' and it will astound you! She's good! She was locally known, and had made attempts to procure agents, going as far as creating a demo tape that cost her more than a few, precious pounds. But in show business, GREAT VOICES ARE A DIME A DOZEN. You need more marketable features, and Miss Boyle didn't have them.
*Enter Simon Cowell and 'Britain's Got Talent(BGT),' which is the English version of American Idol(AI). The impression is given that this frumpy, badly dressed, 47-year-old just appears on stage, totally unknown to the judges, and shocks the world: a diamond in the rough, plucked from the village streets of England, a church volunteer, who was just 'found.'
*This is strikingly similar to a previous BGT winner: Paul Potts (know-nots: go to youtube again). Here a frumpy (are there a lot of frumpies in England?), bad-toothed, badly dressed, employee of Cell Phone Warehouse, steps out and unleashes an operatic voice to rival Pavorotti, and of course, stuns the judges. Another diamond in the rough, and the whole world perks up. But if you do a little search, you'll find that Mr. Potts has been singing opera for years, and even won a scholarship to study in Italy, where he performed in front of Pavorotti himself! He, like many others, had a great voice, but lacked the looks and personality to be marketable.
The media goes nuts in both of these cases, with articles, interviews, youtube records, and lots and lots of attention to BGT and AI. People weep, and philosophers philosophize on the goodness of human nature, and our world stinks a little better.
*While recognizing their fantastic voices, in both cases, we are BEING SET UP BY MR. COWELL. I find it fantastic that these great voices in frumpy clothing make it up the BGT or AI ladders, without being noticed, groomed, and prepared by Mr. Cowell.
*Pause here. Go to Simon Cowell's bio in Wikipedia for a start, and check out Simon's background. Not only does he come from show business parents, but his life is inundated with show business savvy. Can you imagine him putting together such a blockbuster show such as BGT or AI, without knowing EVERYTHING that is going to happen on that stage? Do you really think his underlings, who prepare these performances, keep Simon 'in the dark' about the contestants, just to get a rise out of him? If there's anything I know about Simon, he CONTROLS every facet of his programs, and he'd be a fool not to.
*Might I suggest that Simon has found a NEW WAY TO MARKET these heretofore unmarketable talents. He has made them 'UNDERDOGS,' to capture the dreams and hearts of his audience, which he knows very well. He has heard them sing, long before they hit the stage, and he has an eye for frumpy. This CONTRAST, between the appearance, and the talent, is what is marketable, and Simon knows it. Just look at the other contestants, who always dress their best to impress the judges and the audiences that call in. But the two with the most talent, dress just the opposite. Hmmmm. Simon spots them early, dresses them appropriately, prepares the press releases long before they hit the stage, and does an Oscar performance of acting surprised.
*What is the bottom line here? Simon is a modern day PT Barnum, and has a flair for the dramatic, which he has fashioned carefully to create 2 of the largest shows on television, on both sides of the Atlantic. Mr. Cowell isn't running a singing contest, as much as he is overseeing a Circus, and making millions in the process.
*Not to take away from the incredible abilities of Miss Boyle and Mr. Potts, but I think the real talent lies with Mr. Cowell himself.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Rush Limbaugh

It all seems so transparent. After Rush Limbaugh has been on the airwaves for years, SOMEONE at the top has decided to make him the leader of the Republican party (did I miss a party election?), and once having established this dubious myth, proceeds to use his comments as a reflection on the Republican party. They don't even have the decency to keep his comments in context, to lend their accusations some credibility. I can conclude several things from this media feeding frenzy:
1) Limbaugh has been a burr in the saddle of Democrats for years, and they would love nothing more than to shut him up. To add insult to injury, he is wildly popular, has great ratings, and attempts by liberals to match him, have met with abject failure (as in bankrupt Air America). They just can't take it: clear case of MEDIA ENVY.
2) Republicans aren't providing enough clear targets for smear campaigns, so they are stuck having to make up their own: Rush. There are people who are hired for just this task; and they have to be worried about job security.
3) Bush-bashing days are over, and liberals are having a tough time making the transition. When you OWN the executive and both legislative branches, and you are set to take over the Supreme Court, what do you do with all these pent-up feelings of anger and frustration? You have to dig hard to find an enemy to attack, and when you can't find one, you start flailing at anything in sight. RUSH IS A TALK SHOW HOST, PEOPLE.
4) We're seeing another run at the 'Fairness Doctrine,' which is that little law liberals are trying to resurrect that would demand equal opinions on all airwaves.....so that Rush will have to be balanced by a liberal. Let's face it: if the liberals enjoyed the ratings conservatives do, this wouldn't be an issue. The Clintons tried to label it 'hate radio,' and blame conservative commentators for their ills, but it didn't stick. This feels like a new approach.
5) Most political attacks are reserved for POLITICIANS, folks who make DECISIONS, and enact laws. Rush is neither. Our country is full of people who talk and write for a living, and say the most outrageous things, in order to influence people. Aside from politically-incorrect statements about race or sexual preferences that can get you tarred and feathered, we write it all off as Freedom of Speech, and realize that is how our country works out its issues. Why attack Rush Limbaugh? If you're interested in talk show hosts that make your blood boil, try Randi Rhodes, who is liberal and more outlandish than Rush ever could be.
6) Ultimatetly, it is PEOPLE that make Rush popular, famous, and wealthy. He says what they want to listen to....its that simple. And he started out on AM RADIO, of all places! Don't like Rush? Talk to the people who tune him in. Sounds like Democracy to me.
7) The accusation is made that Rush's listeners are zombies, walking lockstep wherever he tells them to. (I pause here to laugh out loud!) Even if that were true (which it isn't), why is that a problem? If people choose to follow a leader, any leader, isn't that a right? When the whole media industry is having an Obamagasm, and do everything in their power to support him and save him from any criticism, are they labeled as zombies, walking lockstep wherever Obama goes? Don't think so.
8) When Michael Steele, who happens to be African-American, was elected chair of the Republican National Committee, I think Democrats had a hissy-fit. Much like they did when Clarence Thomas, a conservative, was offered for the Supreme Court, or Sarah Palin, a female, was chosen as a running vice-prez. Democrats spend a lot of money painting Republicans as the white-wealthy-male party, and don't appreciate anyone proving anything to the contrary. Rush-frenzy is their 'balance', however ludicrous, to Steele's election, just to keep the myth alive.
9) Speaking of Palin....could someone please tell the media, and the Democratic party that she LOST the election? She went home to ALASKA, and she is no longer campaigning and they don't have to be afraid anymore. SHE WENT AWAY. Yet, the woman can't sneeze without it hitting the headlines. Granted, there is 2012.....
*
*It is intriguing... this fear and hatred liberals have for Rush Limbaugh. I never knew it ran so deep, until this campaign against him was launched. I haven't listened to Rush for years, but I think I'm going to dust off my AM dial, and give him a new listen. Anything that instills such fear in Washington is worth checking out.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

accidents

The medical examiner said Odom's death in Georgia on, Nov. 5, at age 26, was an ACCIDENTAL overdose from heroin, methamphetamine, the stimulant benzylpiperazine and alcohol. I interpret this news story as saying that Odom took all these things toxic to his body, and took them in massive amounts, and was quite surprised that they resulted in his death! An accident is something you don't expect to happen, that wasn't done on purpose. Like tripping over a rug, or getting hit at an intersection. You didn't realize that walking into the dining room, or driving to the store would end you up in the hospital. It was an accident.

*So I envision Odom shooting heroin, popping meth, taking benzy... and washing it down with a fifth of Jack Daniels, and saying to himself: "I should feel real good now." Never aware that his body might have an argument about this decision, and decide to take a vacation...permanently.

*This is a tribute to his utter stupidity with drugs, or, an incredible lack of responsibility, whereby he will blame the drugs for jumping into his body and killing him. Kind of like an accident, or where a tree jumps out in front of your car.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Blame

So here's the story: A house fire in Muskegon killed two little children. In a home where ten people lived, and the gas was turned off, a kerosene heater was too close to some combustibles, and missing its cap so fumes could escape, and the place went up in flames. As tragic as these deaths were, the mother chose, in bold newspaper headlines, to blame the gas company. This is incredible. I have a few questions:
*Doesn't the gas company notify you to the hilt that you gas is going to be shut off, and don't they offer all kinds of payment plans?
*With ten other people in the house, doesn't anyone have the resources to pay a gas bill? Unemployment, welfare, cigarette money?
*Doesn't a kerosene heater have multiple warnings about how to be careful with it?
*Other people were at the home at the time. What were they doing while smoke was billowing out of the kids' bedroom?
To look past all these issues, and stretch out to blame the gas company, is nothing short of astounding.